Foreign worlds on Youtube

I like Youtube. Aside from a few ads, you're presented with a wealth of information, music and funny videos. Next to the professional clips you also find a lot of home-made videos since Youtube is also powered by the community. I'd like you present some of those that you might come across during your Youtube visit.

The local soccer jock

Huckston United* is a provincial giant, only days away from making it to the big leagues or so it seems when you follow David's* Youtube channel. Whenever the 11 unsung heroes of his team stiff-leggedly trot onto the field, the original score from Gladiator plays while commentators start screaming their heads off as soon as players overstep the center line. Even while some players run like they're missing a few knee joints, David's joy is contagious. As soon as a striker is preparing to attempt a header in real-life slow motion, his mic is bursting with euphoria. And to be honest, you become kind of excited yourself seeing the players being interviewed after a hard-fought 2:1 over a beer. While professional soccer games may seem like a finely polished choreography, it's events like these that reveal the glory of life including the inexplicable performance bumps after the previous county fair. Fight on!

The family guy

Family is a wonderful thing so why not film everything? While some are fighting for their right to privacy, even having Google pixelate their homes on Streetview, the Howard's* happily let us into their home. A month in their urban lives roughly makes for 3 hours of documentary video footage. An while Mrs. Howard gleefully chats about her menstruation issues, I am temporarily having trouble holding my spoon filled with morning cereal. Even editors have their limits! Monthly highlights: Reggie* falls off the trike like a narcotized sloth and little TomTom* takes his first steps on his potty, accompanied by frantic applause from his parents. Kudos!

The live reporter

Hanna G.* is in possession of a fully-charged cellphone - and willing and able to use it. Not just anywhere but at the next concert of her favorite artist. You can bear witness to that on Youtube and you will learn a few things really quickly: 1. cellphone mics are not ideal for noise levels around 100 dB. As soon as the next song starts you're greeted with a mix of deafening noise and screaming that almost blows up your speakers. 2. Hanna G. is not an ideal camerawomen since they are generally not allowed to dance about, cheering. And while the autofocus is trying so hard to find a target, she is frantically waving her hands around - and her cellphone. While the feeling of nausea sets in, you hear the inevitable "Are you filming everything? Cool!" during a song break. Good job...

The conspirator

Nothing is at it seems and John C.* can tell you all about it. While he is sitting in his office, neatly dressed with his tie, he is asking himself (and us) a very important question: "Are the lizard people at Illuminati headquarters being undermined by the authorities?" We've all been asking ourselves the same thing for quite some time. And while I'm looking at the poster behind him (X-Files anyone?) I realize this man is very, very serious. In 20 minutes, I learn all about chemtrails, conspiracies on top of conspiracies, slightly obese extraterrestrials (look a bit overweight) and the fact that George W. Bush jun. has now acquired the knowledge to change his skin color. This could have spiced up TV debates a little! "Vote for me and I will be pink for the entire legislative period!"

Pretty woman

Jenny* is really beautiful. It shows and she knows it. Maybe she heard from Mariah Carey that women need to show themselves at their best all the time, which in her case is her right side (or maybe she has three ears on her other side, I don't know). She's obviously watched a lot of models on TV and is trying to move like one. Since she has most of her activities recorded (cycling, working in the garden and dancing) she has an almost hypnotic effect on viewers. Can you, say, cut your roses while looking all elegant and fancy without turning your head? No? Neither can she. Everything looks really weird as if it was the work of a talentless puppeteer. It makes you wish she had spent her teenage years without the Internet, fashion magazines and model shows, she might have been happier by now.

The home improver

Explaining things is part of my job but I will most likely never attain the same level of professionalism as Herbert. Herbert lives the spirit of DIY and loves to explain whatever it is he's doing. Boring? Not with Herbert. Every angle grinder is presented like a holy relic in front of the camera and you can spot a sense of eroticism in his pronunciation of reduction nipple. This is a guy who truly loves what he does and he lets us participate. Sure, he keeps on talking while he's drilling holes and stumbles over scaffolds or paint cans every now and then but this doesn't take anything away from his meditative flows of speech. After half an hour, you begin to hope that someone would look at you like he looks at his bold cutter, true love indeed.

The gamer

So-called "Let's play"s are very popular at the moment. They usually show a chatty, funny guy playing a good, exciting video game while commenting on the action. And then there's Jake.* Jake seems to be the shy type of guy and is definitely no match for horror games. Which is why you can hardly take your eyes off the screen when he lets out one of his high-pitched screams, chokes on his soda or almost falls off his chair when he discovers a monster lurking behind a door. His muffled "Mommy!" did almost become my new ring tone. Another look at his channel reveals that the game lasts almost 7 hours! Reason enough for me to check out the final part to see if his playing will have improved by then. About 17 seconds into the video - the mother of all screams! I felt compelled to do something I never do, comment! I named a few games that will definitely not frighten him and recommended he take a look at them. Stay strong, Jake!

All names were altered since I'm uncertain whether these individuals want or should gain more popularity.